a daughter's journey to forgiveness and peace...

Well, the time has come that I am feeling pushed to head in a new direction on my journey with our Father.  Lately, I have been feeling more and more pulled to begin a blog for all the different "trades" that I have been embracing lately.  "Trades" that I feel I was taught by my mother.  Today I want to share with you the journey that God sent me on to heal after losing the mom that I was just beginning to see how to truly appreciate.

2012 was a very difficult and exhausting year for myself and our family.  We spent the first 7 months treating my mother for her terminal Breast Cancer and she lost that battle in July.  During that time we tried to come together as a family and grieve and find closure for so many different things that come with having a very headstrong group of females on one family tree.  I had personally never went through anything like fighting Cancer or any terminal illness.  This particular diagnosis was shocking even to her wonderful doctor.  There were a whirlwind of emotions that swarmed through my body that I just began to feel so overwhelmed and weighed down by.  My days and nights ran together as if it were just a dream.  I didn't have the most ideal relationship with my mother either so the pain that came with trying to come to peace with this was undeniably excruciating on multiple occasions. 

The last weeks of her life though I will cherish forever.  They were the most difficult for myself, but they brought the most healing. Throughout my life I saw my mother as too emotionally driven, difficult to handle, and violent with her words.  In the end of her life, God showed me how He saw her.  He created his daughter, my mom, to be passion driven, a vibrant personality that was never scared to be herself, a friend who knew no boundaries with her love for them, and a mother who in the end truly loved her children to the best of her ability.  My mom taught me so many amazing qualities and talents.  These are things I know God blessed me with in having her be specifically my mom.  I may have had a very hard time seeing the good when she was with us, but as I have healed and grown through this trial I have realized that without her in my life I would not be the woman I have turned into today.  I learned so much from both the hard times and the good times we both went through the past 29 years.  We need to learn to take the good with the bad and focus on the things that really matter.  She brought so much joy to other people that I know her life here served a deep purpose. 

Forgiveness is healing.  Healing brings peace.  Peace brings joy.  Joy brings a lasting impression to your life that you can share with everyone when you choose to find it. 

Have a blast spending eternity with Jesus, Mama.  I will miss you tremendously until the day I get to see you again... 
I love you 2 boo-Aimee Kono 

Best FOOD FOR LIFE deals EVER!!!

Okay so this morning I got a phone call from one my best friends and she wanted to make sure that I shared these couple things with you! (thanks Jess! we got some of the best deals ever today because of your tip ♥)

1.) Toys R Us-they have a rewards progam! I thought I signed up online for it last Christmas but apparently that didn't go through correctly so I just blew it off. Today Jess told me that she went instore to fill out the app for it and was informed that you get 2 big coupon booklets with their store coupons in it TWICE a year! On top of that you can STACK MANUFACTURERS coupons as well (as far as the clerk was aware)!!! IF that is a fact then you can save BIG TIME for Holiday shopping!

2.) SUNFLOWERS FARMERS MARKET-Best. Store. Ever. I know I know.... keep it local. They do have some local products there so I was impressed. I never save much on my Health Food Store runs so my options are limited when couponing elsewhere. I know some of you well enough to know you LOVE eating healthy (and by "healthy" I don't mean just your canned veggies and small portions-I mean 7 grain sprouted bread, gluten free, raw fruit/vegs, etc.). Jess called this morning and explained this to me: ON WEDNESDAYS you can "DOUBLE DIP" which means you can get the previous week and upcoming week's sales in ONE TRIP! Plus, they accept manufacturer COUPONS! This is huge for those of us that need these products and can't find great prices on them.

TODAYS SFMARKET TRIP:

So after the phone call I got me and my other sidekick Jess ran up there (63rd/May Ave) because we were already in the area a mile away for a visit. Here is what I scored:

(Remember, this is a "health food store" so everything is normally "all natural" or "organic" which are very high priced items.)

2 Bag of Kettle Cooked Chips (Jalp/Cheddar & Original) $1 each

2 Bags of All Natural Chips (BBQ & Original Potato) $1 each

1 Bag of Frozen Oven Ready French Fries w/Sea Salt- $1.50

1 Bag of Frozen Hashbrowns- $1.50

2 Boxes of Vans Gluten Free Waffles (Blueberry/Flax) $1.50 each

1 Bottle of H2O- $.34

3 Loaves of Food for Life 7Grain SPROUTED Bread- $2.50 each!!! (usually 5.99-7.99 ea)

1 Loaf of Ezekeiel 4:9 Sprouted Grain Bread for also $2.50!!! (usually 5.99-7.99 ea)

Family Pack of Fresh All Natural Boneless Chicken Breasts $5.62 ($1.57/LB)

1 Seedless Watermelon- $1.50

8 things of Fresh Corn on the cob (still in the leaf!) $1 for 8!!!

2 Bunches of Green Onion 2 for $1

Bananas (.58/LB) $1.40

Broccoli Crowns (.99/LB) $1.75

3 Navel Oranges (2LB/$1) $.53

2 Roma Tomatoes (.88/LB) $.30

1 Sweet Onion (.77/LB) $.38

3 Green Bell Peppers 3 for $1

Green Leaf Lettuce $.77

Grand Total after Tax was $38.57!!!!!!!

We should have spent at least $80 for all of this. AT LEAST! I was shocked and am really wanting to head back over there like now for some things I could cut up and freeze for later. You can get on their website SFMARKETS.COM and they have their weekly store ad posted PLUS COUPONS to print from their site!

Thanks Jessica for the awesome tips!

Sharing the SAVINGS!!!

Okay everyone, I know there are a million different OFFICIAL Couponing and Freebie Sites/Blogs BUT sometimes they can be overwhelming to newbies. Today I am going to just share with you my little step by step daily to-do's that I use for my couponing and freebies. It's nothing extravagent but it may help you out. Who knows! lol

1.) I LOVE FREE STUFF!!!!!

• I make an effort to check out for online freebies weekly and sometimes daily.


• My favorite sites that I have scored nicely on are:


• Freebies4mom.com


• Heyitsfree.net


• Thefrugalgirls.com


• These sites are AMAZING! The difference between them and the coupon sites are that their main focus is on free samples, products, codes, and coupons.


• Check their site and daily they usually post the most recent freebie for you. They post a link that you go to and follow those instructions. Normally you have to provide address and such to receive the mailers and etc. I got a free box of Garnier HerbaShine Hair Color because I signed up for a coupon by mail from their facebook page that was only available for so much time. Freebies4mom posted the link and info and I just clicked and got it!


• These sites are WONDERFUL for stocking up on early Christmas gifts. This is about the time of year where you will see codes being posted for free 8x10s, free photo albums, prints, and cards. I love making photo albums for the grandparents for Christmas and you normally will only pay shipping with saves you BIG! Last year we got all our families main gifts for under 100 buck and that is 7 siblings and 6 parents!


• They also post PAMPERS, DISNEYMOVIEREWARDS, HUGGIES, RECYCLEBANK codes that will help you earn more so you can get more!

2.) REWARDS Programs are VITAL to saving more!

• I use TONS of rewards every year. Aaron drinks the crud out of Coke products so we save those codes. I have had at least one kid in diapers/pullups for the last 8 years so we have tons of Pampers/Huggies codes. We LOVE Disney Movies so we use those rewards. One of our favorite restaraunts is Outback and they also have a rewards program that you can get free appetizers, giftcards and more on.


• The key is DO NOT PURCHASE A PRODUCT JUST FOR THE REWARD POINTS. Only use those rewards if you already are purchasing the product. Therefore, you are just getting a bonus for being a faithful existing customer.


• There are people out there that buy the products with the codes and then throw the codes away! So let your friends and family know you are saving them and they will most likely give theirs to you! bonus!!!


• SWAGBUCKS-this is my favorite site ever. Seriously. I used to get annoyed that I had to actually "google/search" to win the random bucks BUT $150 in amazon.com giftcards later I am not complaining. Go to Swagbucks.com or I have a link on here and on my facebook page and it will explain everything.


• EBATES-2nd most favorite online site. If you shop online (which I only do if I have a great no shipping coupon or other coupons) then this needs to be your #1 spot on your FAVES list. This is just like getting paid to shop at your favorite online stores. You go to their site and pick the store you are wanting to shop on and it will take you to the page. Whatever you buy from that store after letting ebates bring you to it you get a percentage back. EX: I love Bath and Body Works or Target/etc. You go to ebates.com and then sign in. Select Bath and Body and next to it says a %. That is the % you get back from the $ you spend with them. I got a check last march for just $11.15 BUT hey! That is money I made back from shopping online instead of paying for gas to go to the city.

3.)NOW TO COUPONS!!!

• Couponcloset.net is my #1 site that I refer to. She is wonderful with posting every "hot deal" and all the different shopping lists for you. It pretty much makes couponing as easy as it can possibly get. Every week she will post for each store their sales and coupon match-ups. I like to read through each of them and then print out the ones that I am going to get most of the items on. On her lists she has what exact coupons you are going to need to get the final low price.


• Homeland used to be my LEAST FAVORITE store, but now it's on my top 3. They double coupons up to a $1 (as long as the coupon doesn't say "do not double"). They have great sales so many times you can get all your stuff for around 70% off AS LONG AS YOU STICK TO THE SALE LIST!!!


• Target-I LOVE TARGET! Target you can "stack" coupons. That means you can take a Target store coupon that you print online or get in the paper or get on your phone and use it in addition to a Manufactures Coupon! I can't tell you how many things I have walked away with FOR FREE! Clothes, Food, Toys, everything!


• I usually stick to Target and Homeland but OCCASIONALLY I will attempt tackling WALGREENS or CVS. Walgreens is not my fave. CVS is rockin if you can get a hang of it. If you want more info on those stores I can help ya out but writing about them is exhausting... lol

I KNOW THIS SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK and in reality it is. BUT it is worth it because it is so freeing to know that money is not controlling you, shopping isn't a burden/stressful, money isn't extremely tight because you know you can keep your trip under $50. Christmas isn't as crazy and overwhelming. Saving money should be a MUST DO not a SHOULD DO. Make it a game. I swear it is such a rush to go and see what you can accomplish.

True Reflections

You have to have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. -Philippians 2:5 (NLT)


So.... how is your attitude? Everyday I feel like I fall short in reflecting His image... mainly because the human nature comes out so freely... The good thing is that He understands that because he created us this way.


Be aware of how you react to situations in your life this week. How do you react when your children are pushing you to the limit? How do you react when that annoying driver cuts you off? Or how about to the lady who blocks the aisle at the grocery store? How do you react to your significant other or friend that says something that rubs you the wrong way? Our attitudes are a very powerful thing. Have you ever thought about what happened after you honked and screamed and through your hands in different gestures at the annoying driver? Was your reasoning for your fit "well he made me so mad because of his driving!" or "well it's not my fault he can't learn how to drive" or "well serves him right, I hope he saw all of it"? Was your reasoning for the angry/irritated expression on your face to the woman blocking the aisle "I was running late and she was blocking the whole aisle!!!" or "she should be more considerate of others so it served her right" or "I was having a bad day and not in the mood for any more road blocks"? How do you justify your reactions to your kids or your significant others?


Now... let's look at it from the another view. Let's talk about the annoying driver. Because of his driving 'skills' how did you view him? How did his reaction to your driving effect you? Because you weren't getting somewhere at the pace he wanted to he cut you off or whatever... In return it effected you negatively. Then after that you responded with more negativity and IF he was paying attention to you then he probably was effected that way too. Do you see the pattern of bad attitudes? What about that lady at the grocery store? Are you such the perfect shopper yourself that you have never accidentally been over too far in an aisle? Have you never had to just scooch a little with that sweet little "oh! I am sorry hehehe"? How did the person respond to you that had to wait for you to move so they could pass? Or maybe you are perfect and have never had to scooch in the aisle BUT you were the one that had to move out of the way of the item on the shelf the person next to you needed. That lady in the aisle has been you. How would you have felt if someone treated you in the way that you treated them? What about your kids? What about the spouse? the friend?


Now let's go a little deeper if you may... We ignore, swear against, get angry, jealous, annoyed, just plain ugly sometimes. How does our Dad respond to you? When you get too busy to give him 5 minutes how does he speak to you? How about when you say "omg" and use His name like it's just another word with no importance? Does he huff and puff and yell at us for being so disrespectful??? The answer is no. When we put our cart in the middle of our road with him he waits. and waits. and waits some more. He doesn't push us out of the way or yell at us or treat us like we are the most annoying person ever. When we cut him off in the middle of something he is doing how does he respond? Does he give us the lovely hand gestures we gave to the annoying driver? No. How about when we push him and push him and push him even more just as our children have done to us? He answers with peace, love and understanding to us.


This is something that amazes me every minute of my life. If God can be so filled with love for ALL of this human race, then why can't we reflect that too? We are human. BUT don't let that be your excuse for your awful attitude on those bad days. What you can do though is this-When those bad days come, praise Him. When your kids drive you insane, praise Him. When your spouse crosses the line, praise Him. When a friend does something hurtful, praise Him. "give thanks for everything" Ephesians 5:20 (NLT). EVERYTHING not just the good things. When you are focusing on the love you don't reflect the bad. You reflection/attitude effects others. We are put here to show love to EVERYONE.

How did your attitude reflect in a current situation? Did it trully reflect love? Do you think your reflection helped someone see love or feel love? If you speak words of love and show love then others will be curious how to get that same love. We are the body. It's about being selfless. You are not more special than the guy in the car in front of you. Remember that your reaction could stop the negative.


Be the change you want to see in this world. Don't just talk about it. Change your attitude and be aware of it at all times.

Love-A

Give

If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If hey are thirsty, give them water to drink. -Proverbs 25:21 (NLT)

You must decide in your heart how much to give. And don't give reluctantly or in response pressure. "For God loves a person who give cheerfully."

-2 Cor 9:7 (NLT)

The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. -Psalm 29:11 (NLT)

"I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation." -Psalm 91:16 (NLT)

Our Dad gives and gives to us everday... If we are his body then we should give the same way... Don't give with strings, don't give out of obligation, don't give to make yourself feel better... Give because we are here to give God's love to others... Show the people you encounter why His love is worth dying for... Give with a grateful heart ♥

Learning to Shut up

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. -Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)

The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. -Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

Oooooh the good ole' book of Proverbs, how I love thee...

Anyone who knows me pretty well knows that I have always loved to talk... talk, talk and talk and talk some more... I think I started taking advantage of my freedom of speach when i moved out I spoke even more than anyone thought possible. Growing up my dad burned the phrases "speak when spoken too" and "it's better to be seen and not heard" into my mind over and over. I was always in trouble for my mouth, so you think that in 27 years I may have learned many lessons on the consequences of 'overspeaking', and I have. But sometimes even when we know what the end result can be we do it anyways out of habit.

I asked God a few months ago to seriously change me. Work in me in a way that I never really allowed him to before... be raw, honest, brutal if he may... little did I know what I was getting myself into. The changes and growth have been so amazing to be a part of, but reaping what I have sown has been terrible.

Over and over I remind myself that I am made in his image not the world's image. At the same time Satan tries to remind me that I am still this drama seaking, overspeaking, too blunt, harsh woman. My stronghold is my mouth. Honestly, I think that most of the human race struggles with this same thing but makes excuses for it. I have been known to use some excuses more than once for my words that have spilled out. I have justified many of my words and tried to explain my reasons for them. The problem is this: our tongues are our biggest enemies... They hurt people even if our heart never meant to do so. Sometimes the best thing for us to do is drop the excuse of "I was just being open and honest" and instead just shut up. Stop laying everything out on the table because you think that is the right thing to do. Pray first and then wait... be still... don't say anything.... our lack of words may do more healing then any speaking could...

Have you ever been in a situation where there were so many words exchanged that you start looking for every way to prove that the other person is wrong and your words were right? Then when you respond it just keeps going and going and going? What would have happened if in the very very beginning you would have let God do ALL the talking and you would have just shut up? I think this all the time.

I am infamous for 'fixing' or thinking that I am doing the 'fixing' by talking things out. I am not saying that talking things out is the incorrect way of doing things, BUT sometimes God wants us to quit going to eachother and go to Him so he can do the 'fixing'. Another phrase comes to mind from childhood when I think of this thought "silence is golden".

Maybe all those times I got offended by my dad's comments I should have taken them into consideration... Maybe my big mouth at times needs a piece of tape over it. Are you overtalking? Are you being a peacemaker through all your explaining or questioning? Or is your talking making the conflict grow?

Before we speak we need to think to ourselves "If I tell this person this, is this going to cause conflict? Is this going to help them? Is this going to bring encouragement?"

Do your words speak life? Love? Encouragement?

I know many times my words don't... and trust me. You will reap what you sow... You will see what your words can really do to people... sometimes those outcomes are the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, and for that you should praise our Father... but there will be times when we speak before we really think, and those times can cause some of the biggest hurts you will ever see. Sometimes we speak later and it is still not the right time and that too will hurt someone and not help them...

Thank you Lord for showing me how to start shutting my big mouth... this is the hardest thing I am still learning but through You it can be done. Amen.

Don't use foul or abusive language. Let EVERYTHING you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. -Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

Men don't get it. Women hate it. Your physical beauty the way the world says it should look like is one of the largest continuing problems in every woman's life. I have struggled with vanity my whole life. I was always trying to make myself the mold that the world had designed for me. I can remember as far back as 1st grade and thinking then that I would never be the swan and would always be the odd ugly duckling. By believing this lie at such an early age it gave Satan all the ammunition he needed to corrupt my toxic way of thinking for the next 20 years.



I think it is something that even as a mom I don't realize that the way I verbalize my physical "flaws" effects my little girls. One of my daughters struggles with her thinking she is fat. One thinks she is ugly and that boys think she is ugly. They are so little and because I have shown this weakness so vividly they are learning it too. My speaking ugly about myself shows them it is okay to think this about themselves....... wow. That's a terrible reality.



I find that I obsess so much about my self image that I then get so overwhelmed with how unhappy I am with my overall image that I don't feel there is any need to do anything to make it better. It's become the "What's the use?" EXCUSE. Sadly I believe this is where a lot of women and girls get. They feel there is no way they could ever look like "that girl" that they just give up and give in to eating disorders, depression, other weird outcomes and such.

It's one thing to want to be healthy and in shape, but it's a extreme other to want to seek a 'perfection' that only the world has designed. God has a unique design for all of us and sometimes it is completely opposite of what the world is saying we should be doing, dressing, or even looking like. When are we going to actually come into this reality for ourselves??? How many more YoYo diets are you going to go on? How much more money are you going to dump into another diet pill or exercise video that you will never do? Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Happiness and then the big downer. We are all beautiful. Corny but TRUE. I bet if I spent less time looking all the pictures of everyone else and thinking how pretty or not pretty they were then maybe I would start being able to look at my own image a little differently. Stop giving in to the 'ugly weeks' that follow the PMS. Give in to a life changing reality that you are who you are for a reason, and if God took the time to create EVERY SINGLE little piece that holds you together then that in itself is pretty amazingly BEAUTIFUL. God doesn't waste His precious time on UGLY. The WORLD created UGLY. God created BEAUTY.