a daughter's journey to forgiveness and peace...

Well, the time has come that I am feeling pushed to head in a new direction on my journey with our Father.  Lately, I have been feeling more and more pulled to begin a blog for all the different "trades" that I have been embracing lately.  "Trades" that I feel I was taught by my mother.  Today I want to share with you the journey that God sent me on to heal after losing the mom that I was just beginning to see how to truly appreciate.

2012 was a very difficult and exhausting year for myself and our family.  We spent the first 7 months treating my mother for her terminal Breast Cancer and she lost that battle in July.  During that time we tried to come together as a family and grieve and find closure for so many different things that come with having a very headstrong group of females on one family tree.  I had personally never went through anything like fighting Cancer or any terminal illness.  This particular diagnosis was shocking even to her wonderful doctor.  There were a whirlwind of emotions that swarmed through my body that I just began to feel so overwhelmed and weighed down by.  My days and nights ran together as if it were just a dream.  I didn't have the most ideal relationship with my mother either so the pain that came with trying to come to peace with this was undeniably excruciating on multiple occasions. 

The last weeks of her life though I will cherish forever.  They were the most difficult for myself, but they brought the most healing. Throughout my life I saw my mother as too emotionally driven, difficult to handle, and violent with her words.  In the end of her life, God showed me how He saw her.  He created his daughter, my mom, to be passion driven, a vibrant personality that was never scared to be herself, a friend who knew no boundaries with her love for them, and a mother who in the end truly loved her children to the best of her ability.  My mom taught me so many amazing qualities and talents.  These are things I know God blessed me with in having her be specifically my mom.  I may have had a very hard time seeing the good when she was with us, but as I have healed and grown through this trial I have realized that without her in my life I would not be the woman I have turned into today.  I learned so much from both the hard times and the good times we both went through the past 29 years.  We need to learn to take the good with the bad and focus on the things that really matter.  She brought so much joy to other people that I know her life here served a deep purpose. 

Forgiveness is healing.  Healing brings peace.  Peace brings joy.  Joy brings a lasting impression to your life that you can share with everyone when you choose to find it. 

Have a blast spending eternity with Jesus, Mama.  I will miss you tremendously until the day I get to see you again... 
I love you 2 boo-Aimee Kono 

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but WORDS will NEVER hurt me.

Why did I ever believe that silly little tune that my wise mother told me? Words more times than not hurt incredibly bad. Yes, sometimes I came out stronger, but many times I felt weak and broken.

I am sitting here tonight looking at our lesson for tomorrow night's MWG meeting. We are continuing on with our book we started back in September "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" but we are also going to go through this group study about Gossip. Why is it that we (women) have such a problem with drama? I have been asking myself this question for years, but this is the first time in a long time that I am really digging into the subject. I notice that when Aaron comes home from a long day of work he is never really talking about how he got hurt by something someone has said. And come to think of it, I can't remember any of my guy friends or dad or stepdad or any other male figure really stuggling with gossip surrounding them. How I wish it were like that for women. Now don't misunderstand me when I say we have problems with drama/gossip. I am not trying to point fingers. But seriously gals, let's admit it. You may not be involved in a serious circle of drama, but I bet you can recall a time recently when someone elses words stung you. It could be something very very little. The drama I am describing here is the emotions we feel flowing through our own body when we become that victim of thoughtless speech.

We as Women of Faith must be careful to watch what we say ALL THE TIME. We are supposed to speak with encouragement in all things we say. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs." Ephesians 4:29

I just read in the study this statement that convicted my own tongue. It reads: YOUR WORDS REVEAL THE CONDITIONS OF YOUR HEART. I am sitting here reading this lesson and thinking to myself,"what business do I have teaching this? Do my words show encouragement to others? What does my attitude reflect?" My answers are not coming as quickly as the questions did. Let this be a reminder that we all have flaws, but it's whether or not you are willing to correct them that makes who you are.

I am going to end this with a simple request to all of you out there (even the men, because you all do have drama/gossip issues too, you just aren't as filled with emotions as us crazy girls...lol): Guard your mouth. Think about what you say before you actually say it. If there is no truth to your words then do NOT say them at all. If there is truth to your words, ask God to show you how He wants those words spoken. Words can shatter a soul in an instant and many are not strong enough to heal the wounds that are caused by the carelessness. Speak Words of Life and Love. Don't be the negative seed. Lift others up with your words.

And for those of you fighting that battle surrounding this subject:

It is never easy knowing that lies are out there, or that someone may be looking at you thinking something that you know is absolutely not true. Pray for the guidance in you reaction to this hurt. Sometimes doing nothing is doing everything. Remember, your words are just as capable to hurt or to heal. Be the healer in this battle.